I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
