i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
