Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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