Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
