the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
