A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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