Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
