Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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