Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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