I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
