so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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