i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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