I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
