she looked like the bat from fern gully.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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