I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
