That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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