You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
