So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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