I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
