I'm really into asian looking animals
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
