Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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