Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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