Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize