i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
