Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
