Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now

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(402): View more from Nebraska

he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?

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(440): View more from Ohio

do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?

(1-440): View more from Ohio

you should probably use water

(440): View more from Ohio

i dont have any

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(630): View more from Illinois

my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.

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(315): View more from New York

They're like penises that have been put in a blender.

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(205): View more from Alabama

That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

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(336): View more from North Carolina

You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.

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(802): View more from Vermont

My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand

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(239): View more from Florida

THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.

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