You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
