...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
