we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
