i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize