This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
