How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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