I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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