apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
