I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
