After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
