you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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