Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
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