I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
