Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
