hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sacagawea was the original milf.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
