Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
