I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize