Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
