so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
3 2 1 whiskey
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
