god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize