I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
