At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
someone owes me an orgasm
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
