he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
