Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
