my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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