Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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