I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
