Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Randomize
