In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
