she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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