I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
