So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
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She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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