Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
