Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
