I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
