omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
