I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
